Friday, September 30, 2011
i cannot stay at home more then 30minutes alone...
i prefer working non stop... i wouldn't say i love my work place... but that's the only place i can be for now... some how i'm unable to hide everything people still sees through my face...
you forgive me for neglecting you... but you will never forgive me for hurting you so much sub-consciously... i'm sorry these 2 years i thought by quiting playing games will be different but i'm totally wrong... i'm been blinded by tiredness, by friends, by family... ends up placing you at the last of the list... i'm sorry i realize it too late...
i'm so sorry... i didn't mean it...
you've said a story about the broken glass.. no girl this is the real story...
I've decided that you are my pillar of my life when the day you said the 3 words to me, i've been maintaining this pillar through out untill the day you decided to break up with me because i'm playing games and neglecting you...
i'm sorry as i entered NS i spent more time with my friend then with you... slowly each day by day your feelings for me have faded off.. i didn't realize it too..
i'm sorry, as time passes.. i ended up leaning on this pillar, it starting to have hairline cracks.. dropping flakes of cement on me, but i didn't bother about it continue leaning on to it... through this 2 years the pillar has cracked deeper and deeper.. but i'm still blinded still leaning on to it without realizing that it cracked.. the day that it breaks into dust form is the day i fall.. on 5th September 2011 2250hrs.. have been searching repairs for this pillar since then, i put blame on the pillar that made me fall... i'm wrong... i'm totally wrong... this pillar loves me so much that it stayed still till the very last breathe.. i've made a grave mistake...
i understand why you've said "even if you are richer, even if you are more romantic i will never give this chance to you".
Because i don't realize my mistake, because i don't deserve it...
i'm sorry that i blamed you for not understanding.
i'm sorry that i said i never put you in the last of my list.
i'm sorry that i said that i never take your love for granted.
the fact is that..
i'm the one not understanding.
i'm the one that have put you at the last of my list.
i'm the one that have taken you for granted.
i always thought that you would be happy being with me all this time. i'm wrong, sub-consciously i place you at the last of my list...
i'm sorry, you forgiven me for neglecting you... but you will never forgive me for hurting you so much these 2 years... i'm really sorry for everything.. i guess it's too late for me to realize all this.. you loved me so much that you gave me so much chances that i didn't see.. i'm really sorry no matter how much sorry i've said will never cover that much of pain you've suffered with me...
i'm sorry, you are my first gurl yet i've inflicted so much pain to you that i didn't realize... there's more for me to learn... i'm really sorry... i'm blinded by tiredness during NS, i'm blinded by friends i meet during NS.. i'm sorry to put you in a corner...
sorry baby... i didn't mean to hurt you so much... the pain that you are going through is more painful then what i'm going through now.. all i can hope that the pain have not change into hatred... i hope there's still a little space of me in your heart i'm sorry i've realize i've made a very grave mistake for hurting you so much silently..
In the past i've always put you at the top of my list, giving you all the love i can...
but now i'm sorry baby... i'm blinded... i hope a chance not to change, but to be a better person, to be a better boyfriend to you, in future a better husband, a better father... nothing can replace that pain in your heart i've inflicted... i'm so sorry gurl, i loved you so much that i didn't realize all the mistakes i've made...
i've learnt my lesson deep in my heart... i hope both of us can start the clock that has stopped at 4 years, 8 months, 16 days, 22 hours and 55 minutes...
fate and destiny bought us together, never tear us apart . . . but i'm the one that torn us apart.
i'm sorry baby i want to tell you all this kneeling down but i think you wouldn't want to meet me.
i'm sorry to put you through all these... i'm sorry...
the flaw that you cannot accept to live with me is, "i prioritize things that are unimportant to me then you" i'm sorry, i've realize it too late...
the lesson i've learnt to say no.. no to my friends, no to my things, no to my family... but yes to you.. i hope i didn't learnt this lesson too late.. if your decision is still firm i will face the music and give you the clap and never ever to enter in your life again... i'm truly sorry for what i've done, i will take all the blame.. i'm sorry that i'm blinded and didn't see how hard you are trying to hold us together...
i still hope for the best to be able to take care of you again, to love you again, to cherish you again, to treasure you again even if it takes time to build up the feeling that you've lost for me...
If you are willing to forgive me, i will show to you that what i've said i mean it. =)
If you really can't forgive me for what i've done i want you to say that i'm a fucked up boyfriend, leave me for good, beat me up and scold me all you want i will not resist if it makes you feel better... i'm sorry baby i've failed to be your baby boii
i'm sorry, i'm blinded by unimportant stuffs in life... that causes us to end like this...
i'm truly sorry my baby buu buu...
feeling very devastated right now... i'm sorry i try to cut myself today... i will not forgive myself... some how the blade broke.. i want to carve your name on my wrist... i'm mentality worn out, emotionally worn out, physically worn out... i can't think what i've done to myself this 3weeks... overdosing myself with sleeping pills.. i wish i can sleep and never wake up again... i can't forgive myself for hurting you so much that i didn't know... haix...
here is my story ...
6:08 PM
