Thursday, October 06, 2011
Don't love me for fun girl
Let me be the one girl
Love Me For a Reason
Let the reason be love...
Fate will show us, we were meant to be together one day...
here is my story ...
7:48 AM
Friday, September 30, 2011
i cannot stay at home more then 30minutes alone...
i prefer working non stop... i wouldn't say i love my work place... but that's the only place i can be for now... some how i'm unable to hide everything people still sees through my face...
you forgive me for neglecting you... but you will never forgive me for hurting you so much sub-consciously... i'm sorry these 2 years i thought by quiting playing games will be different but i'm totally wrong... i'm been blinded by tiredness, by friends, by family... ends up placing you at the last of the list... i'm sorry i realize it too late...
i'm so sorry... i didn't mean it...
you've said a story about the broken glass.. no girl this is the real story...
I've decided that you are my pillar of my life when the day you said the 3 words to me, i've been maintaining this pillar through out untill the day you decided to break up with me because i'm playing games and neglecting you...
i'm sorry as i entered NS i spent more time with my friend then with you... slowly each day by day your feelings for me have faded off.. i didn't realize it too..
i'm sorry, as time passes.. i ended up leaning on this pillar, it starting to have hairline cracks.. dropping flakes of cement on me, but i didn't bother about it continue leaning on to it... through this 2 years the pillar has cracked deeper and deeper.. but i'm still blinded still leaning on to it without realizing that it cracked.. the day that it breaks into dust form is the day i fall.. on 5th September 2011 2250hrs.. have been searching repairs for this pillar since then, i put blame on the pillar that made me fall... i'm wrong... i'm totally wrong... this pillar loves me so much that it stayed still till the very last breathe.. i've made a grave mistake...
i understand why you've said "even if you are richer, even if you are more romantic i will never give this chance to you".
Because i don't realize my mistake, because i don't deserve it...
i'm sorry that i blamed you for not understanding.
i'm sorry that i said i never put you in the last of my list.
i'm sorry that i said that i never take your love for granted.
the fact is that..
i'm the one not understanding.
i'm the one that have put you at the last of my list.
i'm the one that have taken you for granted.
i always thought that you would be happy being with me all this time. i'm wrong, sub-consciously i place you at the last of my list...
i'm sorry, you forgiven me for neglecting you... but you will never forgive me for hurting you so much these 2 years... i'm really sorry for everything.. i guess it's too late for me to realize all this.. you loved me so much that you gave me so much chances that i didn't see.. i'm really sorry no matter how much sorry i've said will never cover that much of pain you've suffered with me...
i'm sorry, you are my first gurl yet i've inflicted so much pain to you that i didn't realize... there's more for me to learn... i'm really sorry... i'm blinded by tiredness during NS, i'm blinded by friends i meet during NS.. i'm sorry to put you in a corner...
sorry baby... i didn't mean to hurt you so much... the pain that you are going through is more painful then what i'm going through now.. all i can hope that the pain have not change into hatred... i hope there's still a little space of me in your heart i'm sorry i've realize i've made a very grave mistake for hurting you so much silently..
In the past i've always put you at the top of my list, giving you all the love i can...
but now i'm sorry baby... i'm blinded... i hope a chance not to change, but to be a better person, to be a better boyfriend to you, in future a better husband, a better father... nothing can replace that pain in your heart i've inflicted... i'm so sorry gurl, i loved you so much that i didn't realize all the mistakes i've made...
i've learnt my lesson deep in my heart... i hope both of us can start the clock that has stopped at 4 years, 8 months, 16 days, 22 hours and 55 minutes...
fate and destiny bought us together, never tear us apart . . . but i'm the one that torn us apart.
i'm sorry baby i want to tell you all this kneeling down but i think you wouldn't want to meet me.
i'm sorry to put you through all these... i'm sorry...
the flaw that you cannot accept to live with me is, "i prioritize things that are unimportant to me then you" i'm sorry, i've realize it too late...
the lesson i've learnt to say no.. no to my friends, no to my things, no to my family... but yes to you.. i hope i didn't learnt this lesson too late.. if your decision is still firm i will face the music and give you the clap and never ever to enter in your life again... i'm truly sorry for what i've done, i will take all the blame.. i'm sorry that i'm blinded and didn't see how hard you are trying to hold us together...
i still hope for the best to be able to take care of you again, to love you again, to cherish you again, to treasure you again even if it takes time to build up the feeling that you've lost for me...
If you are willing to forgive me, i will show to you that what i've said i mean it. =)
If you really can't forgive me for what i've done i want you to say that i'm a fucked up boyfriend, leave me for good, beat me up and scold me all you want i will not resist if it makes you feel better... i'm sorry baby i've failed to be your baby boii
i'm sorry, i'm blinded by unimportant stuffs in life... that causes us to end like this...
i'm truly sorry my baby buu buu...
feeling very devastated right now... i'm sorry i try to cut myself today... i will not forgive myself... some how the blade broke.. i want to carve your name on my wrist... i'm mentality worn out, emotionally worn out, physically worn out... i can't think what i've done to myself this 3weeks... overdosing myself with sleeping pills.. i wish i can sleep and never wake up again... i can't forgive myself for hurting you so much that i didn't know... haix...
here is my story ...
6:08 PM
i believe, you will never forgive me...
here is my story ...
6:07 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
i met someone today... he beat me up, gave a piece of mind to me..
i put myself onto your own shoes i cried... feeling the pain that you felt thru out, i've realize all has to do nothing with you. all of it started off on me when i've taken you for granted... i'm really really sorry.. i've realize all the mistakes i've made it's so much and you still hang on for me... baby.. i know you've been considering our relationship... i'm sorry i didn't know, you are my first love there are lots of things i need to learn from you...
i'm really sorry...
you are my pillar of life, my pillar of love i taken you for granted, i blame things that you don understand that makes things more worst.. i know why you told me this "i will give a chance but not to you"
i'm really sorry baby..
i'm naive, i've come thru my senses... the day you left me is the day i've broken this pillar... losing all the support that i've got..
i'm sorry
everything you told me is true... from the day you said i've put you at the last of my list... it's true just that i didn't realize it at all thought that you are happy thru out with me... you always wanted me to be with you alone but everytime i would say, if my friends can join, if my family can join... i always thought you would be happy just like this
i'm sorry i'm wrong
you said i never fucking bother about our relationship... baby... i agree, i realize it relationship is never about another person/friend/family going together..
i'm really really sorry...
every human makes mistakes, i thought that stop playing games would let you feel spending time close to you but i'm wrong with that move.. in fact it gotten worst.. till today i saw all my mistakes right infront of me... i'm truly sorry for everything...
i've woke up i really hope it's not too late realizing my mistake.. you are my first love.. i really hope you can give me a chance to amend my mistakes to be a better person, a better boyfriend, a better husband and even a better father for our future...
here is my story ...
9:57 AM
Monday, September 26, 2011
I decided to get you back... I believe weeping everyday, every-night, every moment will never change a thing I will show you that I never take your love for granted, I will show you that your love is worthy to me.. it takes time and I want your understanding... I believe you still don't understand what I've gone thru... I've gone thru hell.. into depths, today I have a dream... the only different dream thru out this days... I saw you running towards me crying, hugging me saying you finally understand the things I've been going thru.. I love you... you said it once more... I told you, no matter what happens you are always in my heart... we kissed like we've never kiss before... I don't know what happened it felt so real that I didn't know it's a dream... that's why I'm determined... your intuition will be wrong this time, my dream is my dejavu... as usual I'll be showering you with love and gifts again this time around will be hand made... I will not show you money as a gift... I know you didn't mind me being poor I know you didn't mind me having a lower education certification as you...
I hope you would read it... don't give up on me.. never say 'no more' i hate that word... I'm still taking sleeping pills to sleep but it seems to have little effect day after day... it's 6am now and I'm already awake...
I know you can give me a chance it just that you don't want to... I will show that your love is worthy on me
here is my story ...
6:48 AM
Saturday, September 24, 2011
got to meet you...
i understand why... i'm sorry for keeping things.. i will learn not to keep things anymore regardless happy or sad our main problem in this relationship is keeping things from each other.
i'm not sure if you understand how i feel this 2 years i didn't know you wanted company, i didn't know you wanted attention, i'm sorry, i want you to know that i really want to make up to it i don't want our relationship to just sink down like that. i realize that you are not a person that can wait, not a gurl that have patience.. i'm sorry that i didn't see..
i have free time now, i'm jogging, i'm learning how to cook, i'm learning alot of things more then you think... i will not give up, even just being friends... because i truly love you, i have never taken your love for granted as i explain to you, i can see a difference.. because your character is hard.. i know that because i'm your baby boii, i will let time show you the difference between of a person who truly loves you and a person that is just taking you for granted and advantage...
i will wait on and on and on, this is a test that fate has given to us i will fulfill it as times goes by.
no matter what you've done to me, how many droplet of tears i've shed, my amount of love will never ever change for you.
Things that i regretted is that i didn't have a chance to show you that i'm not that kelvin that neglect you when you needed me at times i really hope you listen to what i said today... i know you are demanding, i know you are pessimistic.. i will take this challenge to get you back, trust me
you gave me a chance to love you but you never gave me a chance to reprimand it doesn't matter so long time will shows that i really care..
from the bottom of my heart, i love you lek zhi hui and that will never change.Labels: fallen, life, regrets, revive, serlynn lek
here is my story ...
10:42 PM
Thursday, September 22, 2011
i really really have alot of things to say to you... i can't wait for sat to come... >.<
here is my story ...
7:47 AM
here is my story ...
1:23 AM
it has been 3 days... haix.. how are you doing? are you fine?... i'm not... this 3days passes very very long... every journey back home, listening to Jay Chou - An Jing... crying all the way back home... a very very painful journey... why when i'm trying to makes things different for her, she wants to abandon me... why can't she understands my situation? after all the things i've helped her? done for her? i just want you to understand how much i missed you thru out these 2 years.. you may not felt it, i thought going as a airforce tech would be good.. everyday book out, everyday can see you.. but no i'm wrong.. life in there is totally different we get to suffer working 10-12hours every single day... whenever i've reach home i'm really physical tired, physical worn out... emotionally thinking of you trying to get over this 2 years... i'm so happy looking forward to our Australia trip... a 5days of sweet memories although we went there on credit bills i'm happy to be there with you... after these i'm really sorry i've been trying to pay off my credit bills but i'm unable to do so... i always know a simple date with you is enough for you... but i can't even give you that... every month on the 10th $440 came in... by the next day i left with nuts... paying off stuffs, petrol to base all these... i really really want you to understand the poor times i'm having... resort to call you at night only but to find you watching movies and movies and movies... all i hear is the background sound... i'm tired always ended up falling asleep... when you are done with your movies you just hear me sleeping ends up no communication at all... i really miss those days spending with you before i got enlist..
finally we've walked thru the tunnel till this year june.. i really hope things starting to change i know you are very upset with my trip to bangkok... i'm really sorry i just want to have a breather after NS i hope you understand... if you ever try working 5-6days a week 10-12 hours each day... it's very very hard to go by everyday... while i was waiting for starhub job i ended up taking wf's brother job.. which i didn't except to be worst... things really got worst and i know i neglected you thru out... working morning till night... reaching home physically worn off even worst then the times going thru in NS... you mention to find a job for your sister.. i'm sorry i don't look down on women, why i would want your sister to suffer with me, working without getting paid... i know your good means for the groupon but i'm really really broke... i know you want to get the buffet tickets for me but you should know me... i don't want to spent your money baby... i really really hope you understand this... time's up time to change a better job when i've gotten offer from ST Aerospace... i'm really happy that month... that really marks the start of my turning point my turn to bring back the relationship... but of course i left wf's bro job as an excuse of going for courses so i agree doing some saturday for him untill i officially start working... but the day before i started working... things change.. i don't know what have snapped your mind seriously... i'm so looking forward the day that you are going to bangkok.. i want to give you a surprise on friday evening going to your place surprising you (having you confused tot i don't have time for you to sent you to airport) bring you for mcdonalds breakfast spending the whole time thru out with you till you enter the gates.... haix.. why does it have to happen like this? can you understand me? i know what i'm doing.. it's not like i know but i don't want to know.. if i'm such person, whenever you called or sms i would just ignored... but i never did that at all...
please baby... let me show you this is the turning point... i don't believe you don't have any feelings for me... take this few days to cool yourself down... we really need to talk this sat.. about what happened between 2 years and 8 months.. i don't ask for anything... just listen to what i say... thank you, my baby gurl...Labels: fallen, life, regrets, serlynn lek
here is my story ...
12:30 AM
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
have a piece of mind please.. just think about everything we've gone thru.. the happy times the sad times
here is my story ...
8:00 AM
